I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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