There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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