A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
