I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
actually, I'm a sock model
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
