I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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