So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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