chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
