I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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