What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
