bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
