I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize