But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
