Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
