I can't watch pbs sober anymore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
