this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
