OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
