This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
