And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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