things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
