You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
