I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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