You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
