The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
