Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
