so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
