he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
