i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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