the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize