Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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