Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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