Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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