So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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