We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I deserve this hangover.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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