I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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