I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
