i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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