so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
