Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
