my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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