i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
