Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Plan B is the new Plan A
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize