even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
