Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
