I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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