does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just gargled with NyQuil
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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