I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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