I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
