Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
