Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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