If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize