a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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