Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize