when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
