I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
