I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
