Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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