Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
