Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
