like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
