we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
