You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
