Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
