She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
