I feel great
I just peed on a car
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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