I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
