just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
