well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
