It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize