I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
