It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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