im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
