1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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