Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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