The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
