Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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