Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
