And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
